| | I once was able to control how I felt. The key word in that sentence is "was". For nearly a year, I felt ok, I felt how I should. Before that, leading back the the ninth grade, I never felt happy, or wasn't most of the time.
Now, I feel like I have before. And I'm not super stoked.
I've been hanging out with an awesome girl recently, someone I'm not interested in, whose not interested in me, we just hang out. Well, I made a choice the other day when I wanted to go out with her rather than my girlfriend. It happend a little weird, which made it seem shifty, like something that wasn't happening, was. All we did was get ice cream and drive around - just to get some stress out, just to feel better about ourselves.
It didn't happen. Instead, I got lots more stress. Lots and lots.
Despite nothing happening, my girlfriend was ENTIRELY unhappy with the fact that I went out with another girl.
Now, I'm really stressed out, and pretty unhappy a lot of the time. And it's hardly all about this, thats the weirdest part about feeling like this. I can never pinpoint why I feel unhappy, or bummed out, or whatever. I just do.
I'm going on a trip to the city on Friday night I hope, just to relax and hopefully meet up with some old friends.
I really hope its a good time. If nothing else, I'll feel better roaming the city alone a little bit.
I've made a decision this time. This time, it's for me. I don't want to change who I am, who I hang out with, the clothes I wear, the music I listen to, the presidential candidate I vote for, or which television shows I watch. I won't change those things for anyone. This doesn't mean I don't love you. I just need to be who I am in the time where it matters most.
~Jon |
| | Posted 4/1/2008 9:32 PM - 34 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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